February 2012
1 post
whaddup world,
i can stay awake for an entire day without much trouble.
i will never take health for granted.
or youth.
or the fact that i can —well, will soon once more be able to— turn a cartwheel or jump when i am excited or run to class because i am late or run to my friends because i miss them. oh yes, i have the ability to! it’s beautiful, really AND I LOVE IT
life sucks when...
January 2012
5 posts
i never know what to do with sadness.
to interact or ignore or bury it in busy or just complacently sit with it, feeling
and i can’t really remember anything besides the forgetting. but i want to, i honestly do. i want to remember so hard that i can’t quite tell what i am making up
for now, this is okay.
oblivious bubbles
there’s a room at brown that i particularly like to study in. it has a yellow wall, orange sockets, bright lights, and no windows. i joke that i study in there because it looks relatively cheery, and never changes— there could be an avalanche, tornado, enormous natural disaster or riot or the world exploding all over the place and it wouldn’t matter. the room would be unchanged,...
up up and old
one of my greatest fears growing up was to grow up. especially being old. i associated adults with the inability to wonder, because that’s what i saw in my parents— you go day to day and don’t stop to marvel at the sky or the sights or the small joys. like sometimes how it feels really good wash dishes because of the suds. or you’re eating food that you ate every day for...
December 2011
4 posts
continually learning:
recognize where people come from, it’s important
don’t expect to change anybody. it’s a terrible basis for any relationship (romantic or otherwise)
things get jumbled up from mouth to mouth, drama is a huge game of telephone and you just shouldn’t play
you can’t always unscramble where the messages got mixed up in telephone game drama, and that often isn’t...
happenstance
hi,
i am the second best match in terms of bone marrow for this sixteen year old girl with leukemia.
which i think is absolutely nuts. not only for the chances— that would be difficult to calculate but they’re undoubtedly quite high— but just circumstantial stuff. in senior year of high school i was in this leadership/alcohol drug awareness/confusedish group that had small...
lullabies
i enjoy the concept of lullabies— that there will be something comforting, melodic, sweet lulling you to sleep. even the name is great. there’s the warmth that automatically goes somewhere deep and trickles outward
i think that there should be lullabies for waking up, morning lullabies. for people to sing to you, so you feel that security and tingling and coziness at the start of each...
November 2011
6 posts
a goal →
Watchwhen the sun goes down and the lights go off, well, you and i will frame up the scene. there we’ll be slightly pornographic, but life is always better when you’re fairly obscene
(this is really odd because i like this line a lot and am not even remotely obscene)
on missing things
the downside to being a sentimental person is that you miss things.
you miss your eraser or the black pen that looks exactly the same as every other gel 0.5 pilot g2 pen on this earth but you still miss it because it was yours and you lost it. and home. oh gosh, home. i won’t even get started about how much you miss home and all of the little sentimental things that are so far away from...
on watching others
facebook is a great mechanism for this. but what i originally meant to mention was…
my baby cousins are growing up. one of my baby cousins has entered high school. and is tall. and i like him, i want all of them to be small forever. the oddest thing is remaining stable (well, relatively stable and only growing more so) while others grow.
my mind’s blown, i thought i’d always...
on home
home is the thought that there will always be a place waiting for you.
i think too much of home.
home is the feeling that you get when someone long forgotten checks up on you,
and the security of having an anchor settled down somewhere, so no matter where you go adrift you will eventually find your way back.
yeah, i like home.
the permanence of it in a transient world is quite lovely, i have...
October 2011
5 posts
occupy oakland
the occupy oakland movement was responded to with police brutality when people began to throw rocks at them. and it was on the front page of the nytimes website, some blog thing to the lower righthand side of the page. because this was new, that an occupy movement incited some sort of violence.
but protests occurring in oakland isn’t really new (re: oscar grant), nor are the police who...
things that are comforting
being able to recognize constellations (this is mainly orion, taurus, gemini, and sometimes cassiopeia)
the breeze
old chinese songs
oolong tea
ice skating, very very much so
talking with jeanette
listing off everything that i know about redwood trees
smell of asian medicine
calling parents
hugging mah stuffed animals, cuz i’m a baby
spotting dog owners (of big dogs)
the more time that passes, the more i realize that i have absolutely no concept of it
excuse me
while i wax poetry and word vomit about fall. which i have decided is my favorite season because it’s so exciting to have wind blowing everywhere, it makes you feel so alive. except i was outside for two hours and i swear i feel a little dizzy now because of the copious amounts of breeziness. but i love it.
and the leaves changing and slightly cloudy skies with a bit of intermittent rainy...
profile evolution
prepubescent myspace beginnings: hi i’m tiffany i was born in this place and have a mom a dad and this relative and that relative. my dog is really cool. i like such and such and wow this is really cool i do this and i also do that. great! now let me outline my life story for you a little more in detail.
almost-pubescent myspace continuations: wait. probably gave out too much information...
September 2011
3 posts
christina the cookie,
happy birthday! i tried to post a video on your facebook wall in the afternoon but it failed miserably. and i was incredibly awkward, as per usual. i should probably just stick to writing forever, i’ll carry around some mechanism to do so.
reasons why you’re amazing:
astute observations spoken with the best mannerisms
such a great combination of ghetto/sassy gay friend/truthful
...
who are you?
one day, i wish to respond to this with “another”
not that i am not my self, but that my self has become other entities, something else outside of me entirely. because isn’t it so amazing that your actions have meaning and impact on another person?
but for now, i’m just tiffany
August 2011
9 posts
“two halves don’t make a whole, two wholes make a whole”
– jason mraz (about relationships)
hi,
i think i should try to be less transparent
white-washed
white-washed: a (generally derogatory) term used to refer to people who abandon their heritage/culture, and try to act “white” for acceptance
i’m really unsure about how much this term comes up outside of immigrant parent communities.
one day when i was a sixth grader, my oldest sister kindly, belligerently, accusingly informed me that i was white-washed. i sorta panicked, my...
things on my mind:
grandmother
baby dwarf hotots
pets in college?
bad idea.. probably
i really want one.
two weeks until sophomore year, when did that happen
two weeks left in the bay, same q
richard aoki is ________. (unconventional inspiring assertive)
wait, don’t i need books for classes?
i need to exercise
and stop eating haagan daaz/drumsticks
i’m not saving anyone from fattiness by...
on writing
i do not write so much as i quilt— take patchwork forms of niggling thoughts and weave them together in a fabric to blanket your mind, envelop it in a bit of my perceptions.
i wonder what it takes to create a story. is it being blanketed by others’? an invisible friend that becomes a character, a character that i daydream a story for? imagination for a what-if me, had-i become this...
“it feels so good to just breathe the air in the bay— sweeter, clearer,...”
– breathing never made me so happy
i am tired.
the craziest thing about growing up is finding that everyone is human. when you’re younger, adults seem almost like a higher being. forget corporations and the boards of school districts and government, but adults in and of themselves are above the extent of our imagination. the magical ways that bills get paid, food gets made, things get done are unseen, unthought of. and you take it all...
July 2011
7 posts
grapes of wrath
“if he needs a million acres to make him feel rich, seems to me he needs it ‘cause he feels awful poor inside hisself, and if he’s poor in hisself, there ain’t no million acres gonna make him feel rich, an’ maybe he’s disappointed that nothin’ he can do’ll make him feel rich”
i like this, mostly because it reminds me that the most poetic...
of ridiculous notions
i have this odd feeling right now of missing everybody i have ever met. it’s a combination of seeing all of these built-up communities come and go, connect laugh cry share secrets disperse, and also that i have went past five hundred facebook friends.
fact: i have interacted on a level beyond the casual conversation with (at the very least) over five hundred people in my lifetime.
is it...
“and all the lives we ever lived
and all the lives to be,
are full of trees and...”
– charles elton, as in to the lighthouse
protectiveness
i am going to be that over-protective parent. sorry guys. didn’t mean to come to this realization just quite yet—
teenagers crossing the street worried me. because they weren’t just any teenagers, they were mine! and i’ve gotten really attached to them. and although i do know that these particular teenagers are high-achieving, intelligent human beings, i could not help but...
absolutely most chill day ever
today was pleasantly filled with laziness and spontaneity, and made of moments that remind me of the proportions life can stretch to. i think perks of being a wallflower explained it perfectly— feeling infinite. driving off to beautiful views and breathtaking sunsets just because we can, partaking in this camp community that felt like it came straight out of a movie, singing don’t stop...
passing thoughts,
facilitated a pretty deep workshop about all different forms of diversity, between this and the ropes course yesterday this feels like such a tight community. i will be sad to see them depart after the next week, but i’m happy that i got the chance to impact their lives so much. or at least expanded the scope of their conversations, so many students were commenting that they really...
June 2011
6 posts
when push comes to shove
the things you listen to, believe in, and speak of so easily like i-statements, taking a step back, and being constructive are not necessarily what happens: the gap between discourse and reality.
it just requires constant practice, but i don’t think that all of the people in our cluster plus the person above us have got everything figured out quite yet. and i’ll leave it simply at...
i want to write something
but right now it’s like trying to grip on to just one tide while countless others wash away what was there previously.
and this is where i use lists! YES
on the boy at the party reading a book. it was a neon dance, and you shone all your neon on your novel— a reminder of the quietly awkward side that everyone else drowns in loud music
i have a cute door. wearing an ra shirt. made...
story-time:
once, there was a dreamer. a dandelion whose seeds were attached by glue, she had the unmistakable look of someone always under threat of blowing away. the wind that ruffled under her thoughts were tinged a spectrum of color, from wild adventures to calm scenery. and one day, the wind colored romance.
because, you see, the dreamer had found a dream: this wonderful boy. the boy always thought that...
the history of love, krauss
as pertaining to my 婆婆
once, there was a grandmother. but she was first and foremost a mother before she was ever grand. she loved her life enough to fight for it amidst a country warring in on itself, but loved her husband and five children enough to easily give it away. the mother rejoiced in the sleepy smile given by ones who derive their all from you. and ounce by ounce, she drained the ocean...
May 2011
12 posts
of family
i feel like quite a few of my posts lately have been about family and stuff. anyhow, spending a bunch of time with my extended family— second cousins and great aunt/uncle and whatnot— in new york. which is fodder for more family-oriented thoughts:
realization of how much having grandparents present while growing up affects your ties to your culture (this is a realization i get time...
life views via looking at technology, yey →
conundrums
i knew that i would write more this week, because my mind has more space and time to ramble. but i was pondering the weird dynamic that comes when you clear a space to write, but lack any stimuli to do so— to get motivated inspired and in motion. nobody writes about being still, but in order to write you have to pause. i guess it’s the difference between pausing and stopping, and...
creativity
i’ve always thought of myself as a kind of creative person, more on the create part than anything else. (read: arts and crafts)
but.. folding cranes over and over again, making friendship bracelets, doodling, actually liking english class and speaking in riddles.. isn’t quite validating as creative. i guess what i’m trying to say is that i’m shooting for a goal that i...